How a simple confession beat my productivity issue
For people who suffer from depression, it’s almost impossible to earnestly grasp any motivational advice given— like, how do you expect me to exercise regularly when it plainly difficult just to drag my ass out of the bed? It’s even hard to decide on what I need to focus on in the midst of the swarming brain fog inside my head. I’ve tried to work on any frameworks that my psychiatrist told me to — make a daily to-do list, journal, mood tracker, brain dump, you named it. But it always ended with me grumbling during each of our sessions. Even a year of Lexapro couldn’t bring any significant impact on it.
The feeling gets worse when, of course — I procrastinate. Just by the thought of doing the job, I was already overwhelmed with shame, guilt and fear. It’s the shame of letting others down — and particularly to my own-self, as I’m not fulfilling the responsibility. It’s the fear of missing deadlines and failing to others’ expectations. It’s the guilt because I keep avoiding taking measures. And the more I felt it, the more I procrastinate, and as a contrariwise — it became a vicious circle.
One night a thought hit me that I, actually, have no reason to be depressed. I mean — I’m living my best life and there are so many things to be grateful for, so I stop blaming depression as an excuse for my demeanour. I notice that it was me who didn’t hear myself much, hence I failed to understand her. I then learn to be more mindful of my emotional state, and be truly honest on forasmuch I demand.
The “Map of Consciousness” by David R Hawkins plays a significant role in developing my understanding of the emotional state. Hawkins, in his finding, teaches us about the scale of consciousness — which he believes is determined by the level of awareness of one individual and his understanding of truth. He classifies the level of consciousness on a scale of 0 to 1000, which a higher level indicating a higher level of consciousness. He states that the universe is a holographic project of consciousness — a reason why he encourages people to work on increasing their awareness and spreading love and compassion for it to create a better world.
In one of his books “Letting Go — The Pathway of Surrender”, Hawkins shares his approach to neutralizing heavy emotions, which involves acknowledging and accepting them without judgement and resistance— until it dissipates on their own. There are several methods introduced including
- Mindful Awareness, an exercise to just observe any emotions and thoughts in the present moment, in order to develop emotional resilience and self-awareness
- The Sedona Method, involves asking questions in order to identify specific emotions and acknowledge it
- The Release Techniques, allow the self to fully experience a specific emotion, and release it through some visualizations or affirmations
- Gratitude Practice, counteracts negative emotions and develops higher vibrations through some acknowledgement of positive aspects in life
Using Hawkins teaching, I made up a strategy which suit me the most, as I found it hard to be fully sincere with what I felt. Sometimes, it’s easier to resist and withdraws myself than to dwell on unpleasant emotions for a long time. So I construct a method to enforce me to over it — which I designated as a Confession Journal.
So each time I feel any solid emotion, I try to label it according to the level of consciousness — even putting the energetic log on it. Then I write down my confession regarding wherefore I feel that way. It’s a bitter process— there’s a time when I need to admit once I feel envious of someone else’s accomplishment, or when I actually dislike someone who is close to me, or when I realize that I’m incapable of carrying out some matter, and many other honest moments that skinned me to the bone. The confession itself eventually doesn’t matter, what important is that it thrust me to accept and validate my emotion and be truthfully honest with it — which then released it and led me back to a neutral state.
This method really boosts my productivity and saves me from procrastinating — as I never allow myself to be in a lower state for a long time. It also serves me to get to know myself better every day, and really understand what I want to pursue in life.
