Ross and Rachel — when an unhealthy love is being too real

Ross sighed about his lesbian ex-wife, as usual, wishing to have a happy married life— just right when Rachel come into the coffee house, wearing a wedding dress, leaving her fiance from the altar.

The first episode of the biggest American sitcom all the time “Friends” will always remain iconic.

Throughout the episodes, we see how Rachel and Ross's relationship went through ups and downs, it’s always one of them which is not available at a time — leaving the viewer infuriated with the never-ending breakup-and-makeup cycle.

“Hang on — you’re not back together because she’s your lobster… and you’re just letting her go?” — Phoebe Buffay

Despite their complicated relationship, I would say how real their relationship is. Here are some reasons why :

Their toxic traits when they’re together

I will not romanticise a toxic relationship here, but let’s be honest, their toxic traits towards each other show how fond they are. Ross’s possessiveness towards Rachel is boiling over, he just can’t help it. Remember when Rachel starts a new job and one of his coworkers, Mark, gives her a little hint — which provokes Ross to be blatantly insecure, and send the Barbershop Quartet to Rachel’s office in order to mark his territory.

One two three

Congratulations on your first week at your brand-new job

It won’t be long before you’re the boss

And you know who will be there to support you

Your one and only boyfriend

It’s nice to have a boyfriend

Your loyal, loving, boyfriend

ROSS!

That humiliating moment for Rachel causes them to break up soon. You may think that Ross is a kind of sociopath, and that what he did, was so crossed the line. But astonishingly, there are numerous similar possessiveness and toxicity IRL relationships we could find — and of course, they would exaggerate it in the show. And you may also think that their relationship is very unhealthy and should be just dropped already. Yet Rachel, despite her very selfish nature, especially after the “WE WERE ON A BREAK” incident, keeps getting back to Ross again and again— even though it means that Ross has to read an 18-pages-long letter from her, front and back.

The way they genuinely care for each other

Regardless of their unhealthy habit in the relationship, they preserve to show that they truly care for each other, together or not.

Just like the one when Ross is scheduled to appear on the Discovery Channel, which he was very excited about, yet he gives that up to bring Rachel to the hospital as she breaks her ribs.

Or, when Rachel decided to fly to London after she realized that she was still in love with Ross, and prepared to confess to him on his wedding day with Emily. As selfish as it sounds, she yet gave up her chance once she sees how happy Ross looks that day, letting herself broken and wishing him a blessing.

And many other selfless acts and sweet moments between the two, indicate how deep their love for each other is, whether they are conscious of it or not.

Rachel and Joey would never work out

Joey Tribbiani, the sweetheart of the show, once landed his heart on Rachel, like he never did before. The idea of how a womanizer like Joey, finally gains a profound feeling towards someone, made the viewers go wild. We love Joey, we want him to find the love of his life as he deserves— even if it’s with Rachel! But they just throw the hope away without any meaningful closure between them. And until the show ended, he was, regrettably, the only one in the group who didn’t settle with someone (at least Chandler let him keep the chick and the duck).

He probably opened up a sandwich shop in Venice Beach — Matt LeBlanc

But that’s how real life is. Rachel and Joey might slip a little bit, scratch a big heartbreak on Ross, even though he was with Charlie at that time (who has so much compatibility with him ) — but Rachel and Joey ended up together is just an idea, a dream, and we could not really say that they will make a great pair or be happy together, in view of the fact that we never know. The reality is Joey and Rachel didn’t share the same feeling as how Ross and Rachel did, therefore it’s hard to say that a further affair would work between them — not as long as Ross was there.

Because she is not ‘Rachel’

No one loves Rachel more than how Ross loves her. He had feeling for Rachel for a long time, and keep getting deeper over time — and even when they’re not together, he keeps showing his love, and truly care for her.

Rachel might be the one who got jealous every time Ross dated someone else and impulsively ruined it — from confessing her feeling when he is in a happy relationship with Julie, getting his girlfriend Bonnie to shave her head, to attending his wedding which cause him to slip her name instead of Emily during the vow. Despite what Rachel did, Ross actually never lingers on any of his exes as how latched he is to Rachel — and the actual rationale is that, as he said once, she is not ‘Rachel’.

We also, once upon a time in our life, might be toxic and mad. No relationship is completely healthy, as no one in this world is perfect. Life itself is complicated and a total mess. Real love doesn’t always mean butterflies in the stomach, sometimes it hurt, and sometimes it gets boring, but with each time spent — it grows. We all learned, we all try to love better. And if we’re lucky enough, we all might have found our own ‘Rachel’ as a Ross.